Ron, this may hurt a little bit
My constant mission at Grant's wedding reception was, "When can I get another drink?" Ron was avoiding Filipinos, hitting on every unavailable woman present, avoiding skunks and available women, and throwing cantalopes.
I don't think Ron ever really had a childhood. Now, in adulthood, he can't decide between trying to reclaim that lost childhood or really entering the world of the grownups. But here's a hint for you, Diggity, none of us really knows what the fuck is going on. Grant and Dale may seem to have it all together, but they don't. I'm absolutely certain that I don't.
One of the inside jokes at the wedding was that Ron was in love with three people at the wedding, two of which were completely unattainable. The third was himself. But I don't think that's true. I'm not convinced that Ron is in love with any of the three, and probably least of all himself.
Ron, you are way more intelligent than I am. You are impressively successful. You are a great guy. When you finally realize that it is OK to love yourself, the women will come. That chick at the bar was an empty dustjacket in a library full of earthshattering novels. Deep down you knew that. Once you stop believing that you are an empty dustjacket, more readers will start picking you up.